Family/Youth
My Brother is Different
By Jade Earle--SeeingBlack.com Contributing Writer
Feb 28, 2008, 15:36

The author, left, with her mother and brother Cornel, right.

Ever since I was a little girl, I always knew that something was different about my brother, Cornel. Of course, when I was young, I did not know any better and I never thought much about his behavior. All I knew was that I never had the same type of brother and sister relationship as my other friends had with their older brother.

As I got older, I began to ask my mom different questions about Cornel’s habits. I did not understand why he would not talk in full sentences or why he would simultaneously pace the living room floor.

Eventually, my mom explained to me that Cornel has a disability called autism. In the dictionary, autism is defined as a disorder that delays “social interaction, language as used in social communication or symbolic or imaginative play.” The further I researched on the topic of autism, the better I understood my brother.

Growing up can be challenging and emotional. At the time, when my parents separated, I conformed and felt like I could not explain my feelings without someone judging me or asking questions. A child’s worst nightmare is their parents separating from marriage.

When I was in fourth grade, my mother moved out of the house and decided to live in Washington, D.C. When she left, she promised that she would come and visit my brother and me every month. Even though there is four weeks in a month, it felt like I was waiting for four years to see my best friend.

Yet, throughout all of the turmoil we faced as a family, Cornel always seemed at peace. Even though I knew he was deeply affected by our parents’ separation and mom moving out of the house, he still had a calm persona that I strived to have in my character. I always knew that Cornel heard what you were trying to say to him, but since I never received a response, I felt it was worthless to even try to express my feelings.

As I stumbled onto my teenage years, I started going out with my friends a lot more and trying my best to fit in. Whenever my friends came to visit my house, I began to have a problem with my brother being around all of the time.

It always seemed as if my friends were harassing me with questions that I never wanted to answer. I got tired of trying to explain to my peers what autism meant and how it affected Cornel. Sometimes, I would even tell my friends that I was an only child because that was exactly how I felt.

With Cornel being autistic, I felt as if I had no one to grow up with and being a quiet child made the situation even worse. I began going through a phase of denial, when I felt that if I ignored Cornel and his situation, it would eventually go away.

Every time my grandmother would mention him, I ignored her and never wanted to hear what she was trying to tell me. Any time I would have a conversation with my family, I always felt that we would always end up talking about Cornel. In my eyes, I began to think that all of the attention would transcend to him and he was appreciated more in the family than I was.

When I made my decision to move to D.C. after I graduated from junior high school, my mom decided to talk to me about the experiences and challenges that I would expect in high school. As we continued talking, my mom mentioned Cornel and what my responsibility was as a sister to take care of him and to love him.

I told my mom how I felt as if no one cared about me, but instead appreciated Cornel more than me. Now that I think about how I was when I was younger, I can say that I agreed with what my mother said that day. She told me that I was being selfish and that, in a way, Cornel needs more attention than me because he needs more help than I do. Since I am a mainstream child, everyone expects me to be able to express myself and talk about my feelings, weather it is frustration or happiness. Cornel, on the other hand, cannot talk or say anything that is on his mind.

Now that I am older and going through my years in high school, I have a better understanding of, not only my brother, but of life. I realize that the best thing I can do for my brother is care about him and appreciate all of the love he expresses to me. I can actually say that he is one of the most intelligent and generous men in my family. Whenever I meet or see strangers that have disabilities, I am more aware of their condition because I know what it is like to live with someone who has a disability.

Sometimes, I still am awkward when it comes to talking about my brother with my friends or other people but I am comfortable with the fact that he is my brother. I wouldn’t have it or want it any other way.


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