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From SeeingBlack.com Spirit/Health
I have been experimenting with homosexuality for about two years or so. I was seduced by a professor I met at a college holiday party and things went on from there. That relationship didn't work out because she wanted me to hurry up and be more comfortable in my role as her lover even though I explained to her that this was my first homosexual experience. The second time I was with someone I knew was a lesbian and always admired, but neither one us thought we would end up in bed together. We did and I really like her and want to continue a relationship with her, but since she is much older, she is reticent about continuing with me (she is afraid that she is taking advantage of me, even though I told her about being "broken in" by the other woman). We live in different states, and she is encouraging me to go out with other younger women like myself, but I only want her. I don't consider myself a true lesbian, in that I don't like all women, just her. My question is how do I convince her and myself that this is all right. I used to be her student before I moved out east and I think she feels guilty about that also. Happy With the Way Things Are Dear Happy: You don’t say how old you are or what the age difference is between you and your former professor. You sound like you don’t believe that there is anyone else out there for you and for some reason you are desperate for this relationship to work out. It also sounds like you’re not too sure of the situation yourself, since you say “how do I convince her and myself....” By now you and she may have sorted things out and I hope you have. As long as you are eighteen (twenty-one in some jurisdictions) or over, you have the right to be in a romantic relationship with another adult. Please make sure the relationship is healthy for you in all ways. If the other person does not want to be in it with you for whatever reason, you have to ask yourself whether you really want someone who does not share your feelings. I think you know the answer. Dear Heart to Heart:
Lonely Lady Dear Lonely Lady: I can hear your anguish and also your delusion. Unfortunately, this is not your man to love. He has a wife who apparently is not ready to give him up. He is also still with her with no signs of leaving, according to your letter. Spend some time thinking about why you love and want such a man. He is dishonest and disrespectful to both you and his wife; he lacks integrity and he lacks courage. Is this really the kind of person you want to be with? His wife is not “hurting you emotionally,” as you put it. Why should she allow him to meet you? She owes you nothing. If she did in fact cheat on him (if this information comes from him, I’d tend not to believe it), you have no cause to be angry as it has nothing to do with you. The most unfortunate aspect of all this, however, is what you are doing to yourself. You are denying yourself the opportunity to be in a healthy, loving relationship and you are deceiving yourself that it is okay to settle for someone else’s crumbs, rather than your own complete, delectable, full course meal. If you actually find yourself contemplating suicide, please call 911 immediately. Please take a stand with this guy and tell him to leave you alone until he has taken legal steps toward ending his marriage and then get yourself to a good therapist so that you don’t backtrack. There is no happiness for you in this situation, only more of the same misery and heartache. (In the meantime, ask your friends to set you up on blind dates, join an online dating site, go places where there are single men, etc. because one of the best distractions from a broken heart is a new love interest.) Need some advice? Patricia Elam is ready to respond. Send your questions to her at heartoheart@seeingblack.com © Copyright by SeeingBlack.com |
